Tolerance On Mental Issues Often Easier To Talk About Than To Practice
Tolerance can be a tough thing, especially when it comes to some of the behavior of people with mental illness. First, none of us is really "sane," whatever the hell that really means, and we often exhibit various hangups, pet peeves, or annoying habits; at least, annoying to some. Let's be honest, at times some of the "annoyed" may be the ones with problems. Other people may have somewhat stronger symptoms, but they are still essentially harmless. I managed various apartments for a number of years, and in the 1990s, one lady talked about how then Vice President Al Gore called her every week to ask how she was doing. A male tenant told me in 1987 that then Vice President George Bush (Senior, if you will) had called him to ask if he would come to Washington to manage his presidential campaign.* Hey, at least both tenants claimed conversations with vice presidents, not with the actual man in the Oval Office. Also in the mid to late 1980s another man, then likely around 70 (I just can't recall) and a veteran of World War Two and Korea, if I remember correctly, was just delightful to be around, as he was so friendly, and he had a big, fluffy white beard, but when he failed to take his medication, he could scare the hell out of some people. When in this condition, he would neither bathe nor wash his clothes, and his presence on the elevator was evident long after he had exited. He would walk up to people, I mean almost nose to nose, and say, "Hello!" The far more serious problem was, he would walk right out of the building and into the street, without looking, and it was a very busy street. He had an attorney who took care of his affairs, and I called him about the man's turn in behavior. He had him taken to the VA hospital, but they released him after just a couple of days, saying "he was okay," which proved to be untrue, and his release prompted me to ask his attorney, "Who treats the doctors there?" The attorney laughed like hell. The situation got so bad though, and we were so fearful he would be hit and killed, the attorney moved him elsewhere, to a quieter area. I'd say in about 2000, I learned that my boss at that time knew and lived right by the man's attorney. He stopped and talked to the attorney, who said he remembered me quite well, but that his client had passed away just a few years before. Even though he caused me much concern for his safety, I still fondly remember the man to this day.
Those are just a couple of examples, but then there were those who were far more difficult to deal with because of their problems. One man had a fixation with the building maintenance man, whom he constantly accused of entering his apartment and leaving dirty marks on his floor or small nicks in his kitchen counter. He once took me to his apartment and pointed out a nick so small, I virtually needed a magnifying glass to see it, but such can be the case with people with obsessions like this. The man was so absorbed by cleanliness, that in his mind, any little mark or piece of dirt in his apartment had to be the result of the maintenance man's illegal entry. We actually had another tenant, a woman, who called the police and told them her apartment had been robbed. When one of the officers asked her how she knew this, she answered, "Because I had three dollars on my table, and when I came home, there was only one left." The officer told her she was lucky to have had such a considerate thief, a remark she pondered before expressing her agreement. Not long after this, a man with the Social Security Administration told me the lady had come to his office about some matter, and that she had used the restroom, only to squirt the contents of her colostomy bag all over the walls and fixtures. She was in her 50s at that point, but she had been a school teacher, and she was very well versed in many things, but something had short-circuited for whatever reason, causing her behavior to take the twists and turns which made her so difficult to deal with. She once went to her mailbox, got her mail, came into the lobby in front of some people, tore up her mail, threw it on the floor, then came to me and said someone had broken into her mailbox and tore up her mail.
Another man stayed relatively to himself, but spent much of his time listening to radio and television talk shows, which seemed to get him worked into a nasty frenzy at times over certain issues. He would tell people how certain groups should be killed, or deserved to die. He had won a fair sum of money through the state lottery and was retired, and he moved to an actual house in another neighborhood. About ten years later there was a report about a standoff with police by a man in a house who had fired several shots at some people. I can't remember if any of the people were killed or wounded, but the police eventually shot and killed the man. It was the former tenant of the apartment building. A lady tenant suffered from paranoia and put duct tape around the outside of her apartment door. This was several years before the anthrax scare of 2001/02, when the use of duct tape for such self defense became more common. Her taping of the door wasn't the problem, but she continually accused the man who lived in the apartment above her of trying to kill her. The man bothered no one from what I could tell, and he was always respectful to me when I talked with him. The woman used bleach throughout her apartment to kill ah ... whatever it was she was trying to kill, and the bleach smell in her apartment was enough to give you a nosebleed, if she had you come into the unit. One summer she swore the man above her had put poison into her air conditioner. In reality, the humidity had caused that typical odor that air conditioners get in such weather, but the smell is usually on the outside. It turned out she had been opening her window and pouring bleach down onto the air conditioner, as she'd been fearful her "notorious neighbor" would try to get her through the ac unit. This particular building was a Section 8 property for elderly and disabled people.** She certainly had mental problems enough to qualify her, but her behavior toward others, especially toward the man living above her, was so bad that only so much can be tolerated; after all, other tenants have a right to be left alone. Whether she moved out on her own or had her lease terminated by the incoming management, I can't recall (the owner of the company I worked for was part owner of this building, but one of the other owners bought him out). A man in the same building, with similar problems, would report that people were watching him, because they came from way down the hall past his apartment (each door had a peep hole). No one was watching him, they were simply tenants going to and from the garbage chute area, which was near his apartment. I had a similar case with a guy at another building, but he said people were always gathered outside his door talking about him. His apartment was located close to the elevators and people actually stood there, and yes they talked with one another, but I doubt it was about him. This man was a bit scary, as he wore camouflage clothing and was a total loner, who didn't speak to anyone. Now none of these things is a crime, but there had been some high profile shootings in the country during that time period, with a couple involving guys in camouflage clothing. He had some issues with his next door neighbor, which brought both men complaining to me. The next thing I knew, I received a summons from the city prosecutor, who wanted to question me about a complaint filed by this man against me. The specifics of his complaint were not in the summons. I went, along with the company attorney, but the assistant prosecutor would not allow our attorney into the meeting room, as he said the tenant had agreed to talk over the matter. So the attorney waited in the outer office. The guy told the assistant prosecutor that he had heard his neighbor (the one he had troubles with) and me planning to kill him, cut up his body, put the pieces in the trunk of my car and throw the pieces along the side of the road. The matter was sheer nonsense. I had a hatchback, I didn't have a trunk! I actually made that joke and the assistant prosecutor kind of chuckled, as he had heard the guy's story and knew he had mental issues. It was all dismissed, of course, but it prompted me to check with the city police department, as the guy was some sort of "auxiliary." I found out from one of the officers in charge of that program, that these "auxiliaries" helped during parades and other public gatherings at times, but that they were in no way police officers. He also told me that the guy had complained similarly about his landlady before moving to our building. I told him about the summons and the nonsense accusations, as after all, should this guy have been doing anything for the city involving public safety, even if it was voluntary?
Another woman who had mental issues left her water run and overflow from her bathroom down onto tenants below. This wasn't a one time accident, but it happened a few times, bringing calls from one of the property owners for her eviction, which was pursued in the legal manner. I felt sorry for her, but I also felt sorry for those who had had damage done to their belongings. Well I got a call from her sister, who called me all sorts of names, and who wanted to know who would take care of her mentally ill sister. When I said, "You're her sister," she seemed astonished that anyone would think she should have to take care of HER sister. While this is not a known fact, my "impression" was, the sister wanted someone else to take the burden of her sister's mental problems, that's what concerned her. The system is terribly flawed folks. Apartment buildings are not mental facilities and the management personnel are not mental health professionals, but some people with relatives who have mental disabilities at times think because of subsidized housing, their relative will have a place to live. That's true to an extent, but if the relative is not completely capable of taking care of themselves, or if their mental problems cause them to disturb others, the property will have no choice but to evict that person.*** Understand, while some people don't want their relatives, some people CANNOT take care of their mentally ill relatives, for any variety of reasons, like age, illness, or income, so, in either case, off the person goes to some subsidized property. If they are evicted because of problems, they go to another property, so it's likely, although not a certainty, that the same or similar problems will happen again. Without properties willing to accept such people, they go to the streets, where often there are all sorts of temptations (like drugs, alcohol, bad company) for them to cause further problems, perhaps even severe problems (like aggressive panhandling, robbery, assaults, etc.).
Just a day or two ago, I saw on the news about a lady with a son with developmental problems complaining about police grabbing the boy to stop his flailing at others. She said the boy's doctors said he shouldn't be grabbed, because it will cause him to become even more violent (I'm not sure if that was the word she used, but you get the point). A police officer then replied that while officers are somewhat trained to handle some difficult people, they have to act to protect others. I agree. I understand this is the woman's son, so there is tremendous emotion involved, but police, security personnel, the public, can't be trained in every possible scenario to handle people whose mental state is in some way impaired.
Finally, some people get annoyed at the behavior of others who are not harming anyone, like for instance, one tenant once told me about how it bothered them to no end that another tenant didn't speak to them. My answer was, "LEAVE HIM ALONE! He isn't bothering you, go about your business and let him go about his business." I understood her desire to be friendly, but some situations are better left alone. Don't be a glutton for punishment.
Human beings come into conflict over a variety of things. The question for all of is, "Am I upset with another person for what they are doing to me, or others?" Or, "Am I upset over something another person is doing that I just don't like personally, but the person is doing no one any harm?" Further, and I suppose, much deeper, how do we handle some of the situations I noted in the stories above? I don't know the answers. I did this article to hopefully get some people thinking about these things, and perhaps they could offer some possible realistic solutions. Nothing will be perfect, but based upon just the experiences I've cited here, what do we do? Hire maintenance people and property management personnel who have degrees in psychology? One thing I believe we need, and it won't satisfy some, is a return to mental health facilities for truly troubled patients. Yes, we're going to have to pay for them, but we're paying in other ways now.
* George Bush was then expected to mount a run for the Republican presidential nomination in 1988.
** Not all of the stories I have related above were about this particular building, which required a person to be low income elderly or disabled (any adult age) to qualify to live there. Some of the stories, including the one about the man who went to the VA hospital, and the man later killed by police for firing on some people, have to do with two market rate apartment buildings I managed. These properties required tenants to have sufficient income to rent an apartment. I also want to emphasize, the vast majority of tenants in all three buildings were nice, decent and often hardworking people who rarely, if ever, bothered anyone. Unfortunately, sometimes it only takes one or two people to disrupt the lives of many. Naturally the people in the subsidized building were poor, often through little, if any, fault of their own, but being poor is NOT a crime, and one lady had been severely injured, was partially paralyzed, and was confined to a wheelchair, so she received disability, but she continued with her life, a very brave lady indeed.
*** Another disclaimer: not all people with mental illness cause such problems as the few examples I've cited here. I had many tenants with mental issues, but they were fine tenants, so mental illness does NOT mean these same, or similar problems will happen.
WORD HISTORY:
Bold-While uncertain, this word "seems" to go back to the Indo European root "bhel/bhol," which meant "to swell, to blow up, as in 'inflate'). This gave its Old Germanic offspring "balthaz," which meant "strong, sturdy," from the notion of something inflated or swollen made it strong or sturdy. This gave Old English (Anglo-Saxon) "bald" (nothing to do with a person's head) and "beald," depending upon dialect, and meaning "courageous, strong," but also with a secondary meaning of "impudent," presumably from the notion of "strength or courage giving one the ability to speak or act without shame or fear of offending," and also a further meaning that has died out in English of "fast, quick," perhaps from the idea of "strength or courage take one forward with speed." Later the two Old English forms became "bold," which has remained as such for many centuries. Many forms in the other Germanic languages have died out, but of those remaining: German has "bald" (meaning "soon," from the idea of "quickness," no longer present in the English meaning, but German has lost the "strong, courageous" meaning), Dutch "boud" (meaning "courageous"), and Swedish "båld" (meaning "bold, proud').
Those are just a couple of examples, but then there were those who were far more difficult to deal with because of their problems. One man had a fixation with the building maintenance man, whom he constantly accused of entering his apartment and leaving dirty marks on his floor or small nicks in his kitchen counter. He once took me to his apartment and pointed out a nick so small, I virtually needed a magnifying glass to see it, but such can be the case with people with obsessions like this. The man was so absorbed by cleanliness, that in his mind, any little mark or piece of dirt in his apartment had to be the result of the maintenance man's illegal entry. We actually had another tenant, a woman, who called the police and told them her apartment had been robbed. When one of the officers asked her how she knew this, she answered, "Because I had three dollars on my table, and when I came home, there was only one left." The officer told her she was lucky to have had such a considerate thief, a remark she pondered before expressing her agreement. Not long after this, a man with the Social Security Administration told me the lady had come to his office about some matter, and that she had used the restroom, only to squirt the contents of her colostomy bag all over the walls and fixtures. She was in her 50s at that point, but she had been a school teacher, and she was very well versed in many things, but something had short-circuited for whatever reason, causing her behavior to take the twists and turns which made her so difficult to deal with. She once went to her mailbox, got her mail, came into the lobby in front of some people, tore up her mail, threw it on the floor, then came to me and said someone had broken into her mailbox and tore up her mail.
Another man stayed relatively to himself, but spent much of his time listening to radio and television talk shows, which seemed to get him worked into a nasty frenzy at times over certain issues. He would tell people how certain groups should be killed, or deserved to die. He had won a fair sum of money through the state lottery and was retired, and he moved to an actual house in another neighborhood. About ten years later there was a report about a standoff with police by a man in a house who had fired several shots at some people. I can't remember if any of the people were killed or wounded, but the police eventually shot and killed the man. It was the former tenant of the apartment building. A lady tenant suffered from paranoia and put duct tape around the outside of her apartment door. This was several years before the anthrax scare of 2001/02, when the use of duct tape for such self defense became more common. Her taping of the door wasn't the problem, but she continually accused the man who lived in the apartment above her of trying to kill her. The man bothered no one from what I could tell, and he was always respectful to me when I talked with him. The woman used bleach throughout her apartment to kill ah ... whatever it was she was trying to kill, and the bleach smell in her apartment was enough to give you a nosebleed, if she had you come into the unit. One summer she swore the man above her had put poison into her air conditioner. In reality, the humidity had caused that typical odor that air conditioners get in such weather, but the smell is usually on the outside. It turned out she had been opening her window and pouring bleach down onto the air conditioner, as she'd been fearful her "notorious neighbor" would try to get her through the ac unit. This particular building was a Section 8 property for elderly and disabled people.** She certainly had mental problems enough to qualify her, but her behavior toward others, especially toward the man living above her, was so bad that only so much can be tolerated; after all, other tenants have a right to be left alone. Whether she moved out on her own or had her lease terminated by the incoming management, I can't recall (the owner of the company I worked for was part owner of this building, but one of the other owners bought him out). A man in the same building, with similar problems, would report that people were watching him, because they came from way down the hall past his apartment (each door had a peep hole). No one was watching him, they were simply tenants going to and from the garbage chute area, which was near his apartment. I had a similar case with a guy at another building, but he said people were always gathered outside his door talking about him. His apartment was located close to the elevators and people actually stood there, and yes they talked with one another, but I doubt it was about him. This man was a bit scary, as he wore camouflage clothing and was a total loner, who didn't speak to anyone. Now none of these things is a crime, but there had been some high profile shootings in the country during that time period, with a couple involving guys in camouflage clothing. He had some issues with his next door neighbor, which brought both men complaining to me. The next thing I knew, I received a summons from the city prosecutor, who wanted to question me about a complaint filed by this man against me. The specifics of his complaint were not in the summons. I went, along with the company attorney, but the assistant prosecutor would not allow our attorney into the meeting room, as he said the tenant had agreed to talk over the matter. So the attorney waited in the outer office. The guy told the assistant prosecutor that he had heard his neighbor (the one he had troubles with) and me planning to kill him, cut up his body, put the pieces in the trunk of my car and throw the pieces along the side of the road. The matter was sheer nonsense. I had a hatchback, I didn't have a trunk! I actually made that joke and the assistant prosecutor kind of chuckled, as he had heard the guy's story and knew he had mental issues. It was all dismissed, of course, but it prompted me to check with the city police department, as the guy was some sort of "auxiliary." I found out from one of the officers in charge of that program, that these "auxiliaries" helped during parades and other public gatherings at times, but that they were in no way police officers. He also told me that the guy had complained similarly about his landlady before moving to our building. I told him about the summons and the nonsense accusations, as after all, should this guy have been doing anything for the city involving public safety, even if it was voluntary?
Another woman who had mental issues left her water run and overflow from her bathroom down onto tenants below. This wasn't a one time accident, but it happened a few times, bringing calls from one of the property owners for her eviction, which was pursued in the legal manner. I felt sorry for her, but I also felt sorry for those who had had damage done to their belongings. Well I got a call from her sister, who called me all sorts of names, and who wanted to know who would take care of her mentally ill sister. When I said, "You're her sister," she seemed astonished that anyone would think she should have to take care of HER sister. While this is not a known fact, my "impression" was, the sister wanted someone else to take the burden of her sister's mental problems, that's what concerned her. The system is terribly flawed folks. Apartment buildings are not mental facilities and the management personnel are not mental health professionals, but some people with relatives who have mental disabilities at times think because of subsidized housing, their relative will have a place to live. That's true to an extent, but if the relative is not completely capable of taking care of themselves, or if their mental problems cause them to disturb others, the property will have no choice but to evict that person.*** Understand, while some people don't want their relatives, some people CANNOT take care of their mentally ill relatives, for any variety of reasons, like age, illness, or income, so, in either case, off the person goes to some subsidized property. If they are evicted because of problems, they go to another property, so it's likely, although not a certainty, that the same or similar problems will happen again. Without properties willing to accept such people, they go to the streets, where often there are all sorts of temptations (like drugs, alcohol, bad company) for them to cause further problems, perhaps even severe problems (like aggressive panhandling, robbery, assaults, etc.).
Just a day or two ago, I saw on the news about a lady with a son with developmental problems complaining about police grabbing the boy to stop his flailing at others. She said the boy's doctors said he shouldn't be grabbed, because it will cause him to become even more violent (I'm not sure if that was the word she used, but you get the point). A police officer then replied that while officers are somewhat trained to handle some difficult people, they have to act to protect others. I agree. I understand this is the woman's son, so there is tremendous emotion involved, but police, security personnel, the public, can't be trained in every possible scenario to handle people whose mental state is in some way impaired.
Finally, some people get annoyed at the behavior of others who are not harming anyone, like for instance, one tenant once told me about how it bothered them to no end that another tenant didn't speak to them. My answer was, "LEAVE HIM ALONE! He isn't bothering you, go about your business and let him go about his business." I understood her desire to be friendly, but some situations are better left alone. Don't be a glutton for punishment.
Human beings come into conflict over a variety of things. The question for all of is, "Am I upset with another person for what they are doing to me, or others?" Or, "Am I upset over something another person is doing that I just don't like personally, but the person is doing no one any harm?" Further, and I suppose, much deeper, how do we handle some of the situations I noted in the stories above? I don't know the answers. I did this article to hopefully get some people thinking about these things, and perhaps they could offer some possible realistic solutions. Nothing will be perfect, but based upon just the experiences I've cited here, what do we do? Hire maintenance people and property management personnel who have degrees in psychology? One thing I believe we need, and it won't satisfy some, is a return to mental health facilities for truly troubled patients. Yes, we're going to have to pay for them, but we're paying in other ways now.
* George Bush was then expected to mount a run for the Republican presidential nomination in 1988.
** Not all of the stories I have related above were about this particular building, which required a person to be low income elderly or disabled (any adult age) to qualify to live there. Some of the stories, including the one about the man who went to the VA hospital, and the man later killed by police for firing on some people, have to do with two market rate apartment buildings I managed. These properties required tenants to have sufficient income to rent an apartment. I also want to emphasize, the vast majority of tenants in all three buildings were nice, decent and often hardworking people who rarely, if ever, bothered anyone. Unfortunately, sometimes it only takes one or two people to disrupt the lives of many. Naturally the people in the subsidized building were poor, often through little, if any, fault of their own, but being poor is NOT a crime, and one lady had been severely injured, was partially paralyzed, and was confined to a wheelchair, so she received disability, but she continued with her life, a very brave lady indeed.
*** Another disclaimer: not all people with mental illness cause such problems as the few examples I've cited here. I had many tenants with mental issues, but they were fine tenants, so mental illness does NOT mean these same, or similar problems will happen.
WORD HISTORY:
Bold-While uncertain, this word "seems" to go back to the Indo European root "bhel/bhol," which meant "to swell, to blow up, as in 'inflate'). This gave its Old Germanic offspring "balthaz," which meant "strong, sturdy," from the notion of something inflated or swollen made it strong or sturdy. This gave Old English (Anglo-Saxon) "bald" (nothing to do with a person's head) and "beald," depending upon dialect, and meaning "courageous, strong," but also with a secondary meaning of "impudent," presumably from the notion of "strength or courage giving one the ability to speak or act without shame or fear of offending," and also a further meaning that has died out in English of "fast, quick," perhaps from the idea of "strength or courage take one forward with speed." Later the two Old English forms became "bold," which has remained as such for many centuries. Many forms in the other Germanic languages have died out, but of those remaining: German has "bald" (meaning "soon," from the idea of "quickness," no longer present in the English meaning, but German has lost the "strong, courageous" meaning), Dutch "boud" (meaning "courageous"), and Swedish "båld" (meaning "bold, proud').
Labels: English, etymology, Germanic languages, mental illness, personal recollections, tolerance
posted by Randy at 8:02 PM
3 Comments:
you seen it all. I had a neighbor who had problems I think with drugs to, but he ended up exposing himself to a child. they arrested him and he spent some time in jail. landlord put him out but I saw him months later and he apologized to me, but he didn't do anything to me, but he seemed real about it. don't know what ever happened to him
You really have had many experiences, and thanks for setting them down here for our information. Did the lady with the bleach have that obsessive-compulsive behavior? And the guy who worked with police reminbds me of Zimmerman, did he have a gun?
I agree that not everyone has family or friends who will help to take care of them given mental health issues. You have had lots of experiences, which shows in your writing.
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