The Way THESE Waltons Say, 'Good Night'

First published in October 2014

During the 1970s, there was a popular television series on CBS called "The Waltons," about a family in rural Virginia set during the 1930s and early 1940s. The show became sort of famous for its ending, when the family members said "good night" to one another; a rather involved process, which drew the attention of some comedians for their own acts. The other famous Waltons are those who own about half of the stock of the discount retail store chain, "Walmart," and who control the corporation headquartered in Arkansas. Walmart is the largest employer in the United States with 1.3 million employees and the Walton family, just six members of one family, controls wealth equal to the combined wealth of the bottom 41% to 42% of Americans.* Walmart has been heavily criticized for paying generally low wages and for the outsourcing of production to very low wage countries, where labor laws are scant, if in existence at all, including the use of child labor. So with all of this in mind, I thought I'd do a little satire on "How THESE Waltons Say, 'Good night.' "

Walton Jim:: "Good night Walton Rob. You be sure to keep those unions from organizing any of the workers and stirrin' up any trouble, like askin' for more money. I mean, is it our fault these people can't get by on 9 bucks and hour? Gee, most of 'em get food stamps from the government, the moochers. Here we are payin' these folks 9 dollars an hour, and we can't even get another tax cut. I'm tellin' ya, life's just not fair."

Walton Rob: "Good night Walton Alice! You keep pluggin' to get us some tax cuts like Jim just mentioned. These tightwads take all the fun out everything."

Walton Alice: "Okay, will do. Good night Walton Ann! You keep in touch with Jim and Rob about fightin' any increase in the minimum wage. These people act like they deserve more money. And we're not going that more medical benefits route either. What do these people want from us, anyway? Hey, you get sick, take care of yourself and get to work anyhow. If you don't want to work, there are others out there who'll take our 9 bucks an hour. Ah, maybe we could just offer $8.50?"

Walton Ann: "You guys are just great! Good night Walton Nancy! You keep your eyes on Jim and Rob so that they keep getting the cheapest products regardless of the country or the exploitation of people. It's always the bottom line that counts. Just what are sweatshops, anyhow? Good night Jim, Rob, Alice and Ann! Sweet dreams! Just remember, everybody do your jobs like we just talked about and when we wake up, we'll be worth a bundle more than when we went to sleep."

* See: Politifact Wisconsin, December 8, 2013 for employment and wealth figures, as well as for Walton family stock holdings in the retail store chain. See also: "Inequality, Exhibit A; Walmart and the Wealth of American Families," by Josh Bivens, Economic Policy Institute, July 17, 2012.

WORD HISTORY:
Cheap-This word's ultimate origin is unknown, but it goes back to the Latin noun "caupo," which meant "innkeeper, tradesman," and Latin verb form, "perhaps," "cauponare," meaning to "engage in commerce or trade." These seem to have been borrowed by the Germanic tribes which came into contact (and conflict) with the Romans along the Rhine River more than 2000 years ago. They then spread to other Germanic tribes. This gave Old Germanic the noun "kaupa," with the same borrowed Latin meaning, but also a verb form, "kaupan," generally meaning "to buy."  This gave Old English (Anglo-Saxon) the noun "ceap," which meant "a purchase, a business deal, commerce;" as well as, the verb "ceapian," meaning "to engage in business or trade," and by extension, "to bargain." The noun gave English the profession "chapman;" that is, "a merchant, a tradesman," which later became a family name, "Chapman" (close relative German has the closely related "Kauf(f)mann," meaning "merchant, salesman," a name sometimes rendered as "Coffman," in English). The noun form died out in English, as "purchase" was borrowed from French, and English already had its own Germanic word, the word which became modern "buy" (usually a verb, but also a noun, as in, "That's a good buy," but exactly when the noun use developed is unclear to me). The verb form "ceapian" later became "cheapen," meaning "to lower the price," and the figurative "to make something less in value," a form still used today, although the "en" ending on most English verbs was gradually done away with a few hundred years ago, requiring English speakers to express the infinitive form with a preceding "to," plus the shortened verb form. The adjective, which is the most commonly used form today, developed from the notion "to bargain;" thus, the adjective meaning, "the best price or deal," but also the less flattering, "not of high quality, skimpy." The other Germanic languages have: German "kaufen" (to buy) and "Kauf" (a purchase), Low German Saxon "kopen" (to buy), West Frisian "keap" ^ (a purchase, something acquired) and "keapje" (to buy, to acquire), Dutch "koop" (a purchase) and "kopen" (to buy), Danish "køb" (a purchase) and "købe" (to buy), Norwegian "kjøp" (a purchase) and "kjøpe" (to buy), Icelandic "kaup" (a purchase) and "kaupa" (to buy), Swedish "köp(et)" (a purchase) and "köpa" (to buy).

^ Notice the closeness to the Old English form "ceap." The Frisians are closely related to the English, as some Frisians joined with the closely related Angles and Saxons in the invasion of Britain and in the establishment of England.