A Trump "Interview"

This was published in August 2016, but it's still relevant!


"Hello, I'm Dan Ratherbe in Philadelphia. I'm here with Donald Trump, the Republican candidate for president. How are you, Mr. Trump?"

DT: "I'm fine, but I already know you'll tell lies about me."
DR: "Why do you say that, Mr. Trump?"
DT: "Because you just said you'd rather be in Philadelphia; you know, the city where those traitorous, good for nothing, criminal Democrats just met, but we're already IN Philadelphia, and I don't need Sarah Palin to tell me that. ........ By the way, Sarah stayed at home during the Republican convention to read some newspapers and magazines. She doesn't want any more trick questions from Katie Couric."
DR: "Well, in that case, what newspapers and magazines do you read?"
DT: "See... there you go! You don't listen well, do you? I said, 'No trick questions!' Geez, you scumbags in the media! When I'm elected, you, Katie, and Megyn Kelly will be locked up along with crooked Hillary Clinton and Lyin' Ted Cruz."
DR: "So Katie and Megyn bother you?"
DT: "No, no! Now you're putting words into my mouth. I didn't say that. I know how to deal with women, especially after I consulted with Roger Ailes; now there's a guy who knows about women! Why do you think I said Megyn had 'blood coming out of her ... whatever?' "
DR: "Sir, Roger Ailes just left Fox News after charges of sexual harassment."
DT: "Didn't I just say he knows about women? Boy, you don't listen. Definitely going to lock you up. Lock him up! Lock him up! Lock him up! Hey, that's got a nice ring to it."
DR: "So you want to lock up the media and your political opponents?"
DT: "I didn't say that! Man you don't listen!"
DR: "What foreign policy experience do you have, Mr. Trump?"
DT: "I know more about foreign policy than anyone. I own a golf course in Scotland, how's that for foreign policy for you? I was just there recently too; heard a British diplomat give a speech there. I didn't understand much of what he said though. Why don't those people learn to pronounce English good; I mean, it's not like they invented the language over there? Maybe I should run for office in the UK. Could put the 'great' back into Great Britain."
DR: "Well Mr. trump, I suppose you are aware that young people favor your opponent by a large margin. They say they don't like the hate and division you and your campaign espouse. What do you have to say about that?"
DT: "Well they're young, they don't know any better. It's up to me and my campaign to teach them, and we're trying our damnedest to do just that."   
DR: What will you do if you lose the election, Mr. Trump?"
DT: "See, there you go. No wonder I'm going to have you locked up. Lock him up! Lock him up! Well, I'm not going to lose the election. BUT, if in the ever so slightest case you media people and crooked Hillary steal the election from me, I have a place to go and rule where they'll really appreciate me."
DR: "Oh? And where is that, Mr. Trump?"
DT: Well I'll give you a hint ... There's a country where the ruler has been a little sick lately. I only know that from my friend Vladimir. He read Kim Jong-un's emails. Boy does Vladimir know a lot about the Democrats too. Whew!"
DR: "So you're talking about going to North Korea?"
DT: "More lies! I never said that! But that country is a mess, and only I can fix it! And in that country, I wouldn't have lies told about me all the time, because they know how to deal with media people and keep them from lying. Oh wow! I can just see troops marching into South Korea, big statues of me on every corner. More and more I like the sound of my slogan, 'Make North Korea great again.' "
DR: "This is Dan Ratherbe in Philadelphia, but I'd rather be anyplace, but here."

WORD HISTORY:
Satire-This word, related to "sate" and "sad," goes back to Indo European "sah," with the notion of "satisfaction, having enough." This gave Latin "satur," which meant "sated, having enough." This became the basis of the Latin term "lanx satura," with the meaning "a full serving of mixed types of fruit." This meaning then expanded from "full serving" ("collection") to, "collection of poetry," then to "poem or poems that emphasized a person's characteristics; thus, the modern meaning of, "story that pokes fun or ridicule at a person's habits, personality, foolish ways, often with a more serious underlying intent." Latin "satur" gave Latin "satira," meaning "satiric poetry or drama." This gave Old French, a Latin-based language, "satire," with the same meaning. English borrowed the word in the latter part of the 1300s, "probably" from French, but with likely reinforcement by Latin, a language still common in those times among well educated people, which naturally included writers.